Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Let's get the cat blown out
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
