Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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