you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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