before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
