So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i think i have two assholes
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We don't watch enough power rangers
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
