Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
