I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
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