none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
