Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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