My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
