Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
