You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
