You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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