come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
