So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
