Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
