I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
