I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
