South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
