Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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