remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
