can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
