genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
pray to the hookup gods
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
