Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
