You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
