Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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