I just threw up on my dentist
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize