Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My pussy is not your playground.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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