your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
