Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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