What a fucking waste of an outfit
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
