the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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