if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
