I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
