At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
