thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
