After last night, I could never be a politician.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
