closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
