I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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