JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
there is glitter all over my balls
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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