worst night to have a conscience
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
