I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
