where am i from again
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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