I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
