first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize