okay pat passed out under dana's car
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
