I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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