She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
