yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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