speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
