Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
