im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
