i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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