on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
