I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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