Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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