I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
