My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
