She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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