So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
