the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
