Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
