i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize