also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
