spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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