Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
