i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
