I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
