and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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