I cockslap morals
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
