apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
