at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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