Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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