Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
