I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
