i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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