That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
