I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
