stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
