I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
