You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
