Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Semen is not good for contacts.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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