hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
