I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Where is the hickey?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
