So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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