I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize