I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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