I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
