do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
