I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
