There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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