i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I pour the whiskey from now on
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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