went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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