Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
