Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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