I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize