Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
