After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
