Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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