I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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