just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
