I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
