she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
